“I am dying”,I whispered to myself.

“God loves thee for living this way”, The Preacher had foretold.

“No, Not dying but conjoining with God” I corrected.

“Alas , you are all mistaken”, God whispered alone to me


The veil surrounding me suddenly collapsed as i lay down in my own pool of blood. I tried to get up and adjust to the new surroundings but my body refused to do it. I could see the soldiers hurtling towards me in slow motion when life played a movie for me to watch; the last one it is, i decided to watch it. The fields, the maidens and the kids ran past me and then came the beliefs and decisions in my life. I could see a dark vortex growing in one side of the screen and every image that shot across my mind were thrown into the huge pool of darkness. The soldier knocked me out and God whispered the words to me. Alas, I could tell no one the truth !

I had been an inquisitive man. Questions zoomed past me in these tense moments and i jotted them down mentally..Why did God have to keep making changes to life of men and see them writhe in agony as well as laugh in joy alternately. Why doesn’t a happy man stay happy always and a sad man stay like that forever. Won’t there be a balance then and wouldn’t there be a full-stop to this craziness in the world -Won’t people be content with themselves then and stop meddling in others business ?

I am suddenly having radical thoughts. I was fine before but please do not ask me when. My mind is too tired to reminisce when. All i can try now is to recount some of the incidents so that you too would understand the deprivation i am facing now. I could remember vaguely that i too was happy once, I could remember huge meadows, friendly playmates and long playtimes but that was too far back.  Thinking about it itself makes my heart sick and long for the dark solitude place that was growing so that i could be by myself and teleport myself to such realms. I would see a village with maidens filling water in their clay pots and see young kids playing around these maidens throwing small pebbles at each other and making faces at each other. Kids could be seen playing in the stream and the fields, Farmers can be seen chasing away the kids from the orchids who come in search of ripe fruits. However cherished these realms are, I was unable to teleport myself there because I had a duty to perform.

How does this world care for one person? Isn’t always a plural more powerful than an individual. Ahaa,No. God has designed the world for every one of his creation and it is not that every one of his creations are sacrificed for his sake. I am called a terrorist by some, a jihadist by others, a fanatic by some others and also heretics by some, but chosen ones have always learned that no matter who is by your side, God is !! While we see that plural gets more weightage than singular when it comes to negative circumstances like fifty people have died due to a bomb blast, singular gains precedence in positive scenarios like Edmund Hillary– first man to peak Mt.Everest (Even though he was with Norgay, Norgay was sidelined by Edmund because Edmund understood human psychology). Likewise, I have been selected singularly by the Gods to uphold their honor.



The terrorist died not alone, but amidst a battalion of soldiers. He was declared a heretic, a terrorist, a fanatic by the state but God took him into his arms as the terrorist realized the working of the world and regretted that he couldn’t share his newly found wisdom with the world. The World was not decided based on God’s laws, It is based on Man’s superior thinking. While there were no other species as dominant in the world as the human being, it is natural that his enemy remains himself. His wisdom, his craftiness is reflected in the world through butterfly effect or chaos theory. Alas, only if Eve didn’t insist on having the apple.


Posted on March 14, 2010, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.


  2. Beautiful…Loved it..Please try to write more often Maddy 🙂

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